This Is What My Life Has Come To

Going out clubbing 3 nights in a row. Dance like a slut. Develop a nastier-by-the-moment drinking habit.

Going out on random dates with random people. Sometimes you don't even like them that much but what are you gonna do? Stay home and make conversation with the four white walls? Even worse, sometimes you like them and then what do you do? It is exciting, yes - after so long - but also so exhausting when compared to routine, to which you're already used. You have to make an effort at conversation, at keeping up appearances. You gotta be engaging, and laugh at the jokes and tell funny stories so you don't bore them to death. They say they were gonna call, but they still haven't, so do you stare at the phone willing it to ring? Or do you send a text? Would that be too desperate?

4 in the morning and you're still up so you try to keep busy doing something - going through your notes, doing the laundry, cleaning your room, re-reading the book you've read a thousand times before - anything at all, just as long as it distracts you enough from dialling that number your fingers have been tracing the past thirty minutes.

Ugh I fucking hate being single.