One Year Today

And I am the only one who knows.

Two weeks ago I was in full Planner mode, mind full of fancy dinners and lovely gifts.

Now all I think about is what it would be like playing the same game, but with different players.

Shouldas

I should be working on an essay that should have been finished 2 days ago.

But I feel like writing on my blog so much more.

I should get someone to fix my door because I can't keep track of how many times I've been stuck in my room.

I should start going outside and walk around looking for something to photograph for my Photography class.

It is something I should have done a few days ago too.

I also should get a proper camera because Mr T says a camera phone isn't gonna cut it in his class. Like, obviously.

Which means, I should start begging from my parents right about now, or start begging friends to loan me theirs.

I should also be feeling Very Sad, because my Something Precious is dying and I am not Getting Over It.

But somehow, the hurt has come and gone a long time ago and the tears come at the weirdest times ever.

I also should End Things before I embark on New Journey(s).

And also, I should Pick One because All Of The Above is not practical in real life situations.

Wrong Wrong Wrong

Someone passed me a number the other day.

I called just now.

We had a marvelous time and talked for an hour.

The moment I hanged up, D calls and we talked for like, 2 minutes.

I was like, this is it?

One year of my life and all I have is this?

It feels so wrong to be comparing and thinking this shit and yet it feels like a sign somehow.

Like it's screaming "Dangerous Area. Keep Off!"

But yet another part of me feels like a bitch for thinking that it's a sign and that Karma will fuck me till no end for having such evil thoughts and for doing these evil things.

I am one confused motherfucker.

Allow Me My Emo Moments plznthankyou

It's so nice to just sit down, talk and listen to an adult's point of view.

It's good because he knows how I am feeling and also the other side of the story.

I have been such a stupid kid.

The sculpture was once beautiful.

I thought it old and damaged.

And I tried to fix it.

I was too brash.

A huge chunk of it fell off.

And hit me on the foot.

Trouble

I've had this nagging feeling for weeks now. Something terrible is going to happen. A very specific something.

Maybe it's a case of a self-fulfilling prophecy and also a selective attention thing. I believe what I want to believe and see things that might not be there.

But on the other hand, the 'ignore-it-and-you-won't-know-it's-there' method no longer works. I can't pretend that nothing is wrong anymore because it's glaringly obvious now. Everyone around me can see it. No more put a smile on your face and it would all be okay sooner or later.

Just thinking about it is killing me.

Torture!

Today was hell. I just had my first meal of the day even though I woke up at 10 plus because starting from 11 3o onwards, I had back-to-back classes right up till 4. Not even a 5 minute break in between to go pee and grab a currypuff or something :(

First class I was late and was separated from Seline and sat with a couple of people whose sense of humor I just can't get. Second class we saw a super desperate know-it-all attention whore. There was also one in the first class and in the third class I had to listen to the lecturer monotonously drone on and on about himself. Phew. And all these is going to happen again on Wednesday. Yippee.

Besides I was super sleepy in classes today no thanks to Andy who dragged me out yesterday while I still have homework to finish (hahaha I sound like a hypocrite, as if he tied me up and kidnapped me :P). I did have fun aaaaand I managed to set a new personal record of 3 nights in a row! Clubs and McDonald's every single night. How unhealthy LOL.

Also very torturing is my inability to transfer all the friggin photos from my phone to my computer because the stupid phone doesn't have a cable and the stupid computer doesn't have Bluetooth. Stupid stupid stupid. I'm so cranky. I think I need to sleep.

Holiday's Over Bitch

Just the 2nd day in and I have already finished a presentation for one subject and finishing homework for another. Aku suka lah gaya hidup student nih mwahahah! I might be singing a different tune during finals week but WHATEVER! It gets boring sometimes but at least I'm doing something and it's something that I know. Talk about never venturing outside safety zones LOL.

I can't remember the last time I did a solo presentation and I was nervous as hell. But I put to good use my skills of exaggerating by 200% and talked about how one single CD pouch means sooo much to me because it contains the CDs of all my family members and how listening to each different one reminds me of loved ones and how family is all that matters blah blah blah UURGGHH I'm so cheeeeesy I disgust myself sometimes bwhahaha. It doesn't matter at all though because the lecturer was obviously more interested in a text message than his students' efforts. Boo.

BTW thanks to Mr Sean Aw because as I am writing this I am currently eating his X'mas gifts of mostest amazingest Rich Dark Chocolate Ferrero Rochers! They're like an orgasm and a half WOOT! Cherry and Sab's gifts have already been consumed during a moment of extreme emo-ness when I badly needed things to suck on. Eh... that sounded kinda wrong heh heh ;)

First Day of Classes

When I woke up today I was like, FUCKKKK because I really didn't want school to start. I was still in full on Party Mode. If there were no classes today I would have been able to go to Maison / sleep over at GK yesterday night :(

Plus, I really wasn't looking forward to being separated from Seline for 3 of our 4 subjects. Cibai. It's only my second sem and I still feel so new. Big Sob.

But after 4 hours of classes today I think I've kinda got the Back to School Mood already! LOL. It's so sad being alone but at least I do know some people and it's the first day, no assignments yet so all I do is just sit at the back of the class and try very very hard not to yawn so obviously and very buat-buatly jot down notes every now and then :)

And So 2008 Is Officially Over!

It came and gone in what felt like a flash and I think it was a pretty good year in general for me. Lots of different things happened and I hope they have all added up to form this better, more grown up version of me :)

I started this blog, I graduated, changed colleges, fell in love, sort of fell out of it then fell back in, made new friends, lost some friends, reconnected with the ones lost touch, nurtured some neglected friendships, strengthened a few existing ones and left behind those damaged beyond repair :(

15 of my closest friends came to my hometown for possibly the last OHF trip for quite some time, I spent Raya with my KL friends in my hometown for the first time, had a great time at Hong Kong, brought my baby Sasha back to KT and watched her not get along with Yuki, my big doggie Casper passed, my grandpa passed, I had a major fight with someone important in my life and was forced to be mature (whatever that means) and I stayed with my sister in KL for four months. We both learned a lot about the other :)

So 2009 bring it on! I'm looking forward to another 365 days of good and bad and ups and downs, to a whole new set of memories to cherish and to experiences from which to learn!

I know it's custom for most people to have a long-ass list of things they call resolutions that they begin working on during the second week of January and drop during the first week of February but for this year, I can only think of one right now. I am going to get a job on my own and I am going to hold it down. I am going to be 20 in months and apart from minor temp jobs here and there, mostly gotten through friends and family connections, I have never had a real job. I had a 4 month break in May and 2 months off in November and yet I stalled and just travelled back and forth between KL and KT living the life of a pampered party princess (oooh alliteration! I am not btw). That, I said to myself, is going to change in 2009! Wish me luck bitches :D