The Saddest, Loneliest Day Ever

Yesterday was beyond words.

It was supposed to be a start to a fun night out and then all of sudden, without the slightest warning, it became a nightmare.

Who would have thought that something like this, could happen twice in one month?

Before the First Incident, I used to laugh in disdain whenever Jacqueline locked the gear and the steering in complicated ways.

"Aiyoh so mafan la lock this and lock that! We driving Kembara only who wanna steal hahaha"

Then after the First Incident, I became phobic. The steering wheel lock became my best friend. I have this need to park where I can see my car and constantly feel like I have to check on it.

I slip up once. And shit happens.

Faster than anyone could imagine. I parked right in front of the bank, popped in, put the card in the ATM, get the money outta the ATM, went out. Windows gone.

I was speechlessstunnedshellshocked. Only thing running through my mind over and over was I Can't Believe This Is Happening Again I Can't Believe This Is Happening Again I Can't Believe This Is Happening Again.

After that I was blur, like running on auto-pilot, repeating everything that we did the last time, but this time alone.

I've never felt lonelier in my life T_____T

It's like OK, police report done. And from Cheras, the officer wants me to drive to Pudu so some Sergeant can have a little chat and take some pictures. Like it's high tea with the girls or something. OK that's done too.

Now what? Clear the glass. And this time the glass bersepah all over the inside of the car cuz it wasn't a clean break. It's okay. I can do it. Buy plastic bags and masking tape to cover. Find somewhere bright and sheltered to do the whole damn thing. But where? I ended up on the side of the road vacuuming and picking up pieces of glass and taping plastic over the windows with rain drizzling down on my hairmakeupclothes which I spent extra time on and thought looked extra good, just for that night.

And I was soooo damn hungry the whole time. The last thing I had was lunch at MV at 12.30 and on the passenger seat was a sandwich I grabbed in a hurry before going out, now covered in glass. After clearing the glass and taping the windows and all, I hurriedly gobbled that one miserable sandwich down hoping I don't choke on some unseen piece of glass and die.

I wanted to go find somebody, but I don't know who to find.

Not Jacqueline. I love my sister but I know at that time. she'd be all 100 Questions and Serious Talk and That Tone of Judgement which I am just not able to accept at that moment. I like to think that if the situation was reversed, I'd worry more about her than what the parents would say, with how much we lost and how much it's going to cost coming in second. Also, what I needed was a Big Warm Unquestioning Hug not 6 Inquisitive and Sympathetic Eyes.

Andy lives so friggin' far away now. And like he said, he's got work tomorrow. So it's all fine that he's at McD's with Alex now but 30 minutes for me to get there is definitely too late to be staying up. And he doesn't seem to realize the situation is very serious to me, maybe because his brother's car was driven off entirely so shattered glasses, meh. He thought I'd still be showing up at Milk. I wish I could, I don't wanna be a party-pooper but I was in no way appropriate to be in a club then.

I thought I could hang out at some mamak and eat twenty roti canai with my closest friend here in Taman Connaught, but she was out. Ugh.

Cyntia's in Kepong. Howyee's in Klang. All so bloody far away. It really is very sad when the one person you can call to just bawl and rant and make you feel better is your ex, few hundred kilometres away.

I could think of a few friends (or 'friends') who'd be willing to meet up and talk. But right after they lend that shoulder to cry on, give that pat on the head, pull you in for that hug, hands would inevitably roam way down south and I would inevitably feel like a cheap and dirty fuckbitch. Yes, they're good with words and they'd be a comfort but what? "Don't cry, don't cry, just spread your legs wide" is it? After what I just experienced, no thank you.

Now I need to replace a clutch and a camera. Mana mau cari duit camtu? And the camera was new AND a present summore.

Gahhhhh this has been such an emo bitch post. Excuse me while I go put on some black eyeliner and cut myself.

No I Don't Bite but Please Don't Pijak My Ekor

I have a new friend. He's nice but I think he fancies that he's pretty talented when it comes to investigative stuff. My honest advice? Don't ever try to go down the detective route. You're as subtle as a rock falling on a tin roof.

Though it may be very startling initially, I actually prefer people who are upfront and brutally blunt. It's not as exhausting as answering but not really answering a thousand questions that are not really questions that lead to another thousand non-questions.

Something straight to the point like 'So are you or are you not?' would be nice instead of 'So what kinda girls do you like?' and 100 variations of that question or 'Where do you like to paktor?' 'Your girlfriend pretty or not, look like how one ah?' or worse, "casually" bringing into the conversation topics like Sex or Your Gay Best Friend (yeah right, "your friend") hoping to squeeze a reaction out of me. Uh huh not gonna happen. And by the 600th time, it is starting to get on my nerves sweetie.

If your suspicion is that strong, you're probably right. If your curiosity is that high, just ask. Simple as that. Or not, just follow me out on a Saturday night, you will get your answer for sure. Har har har.

One more thing I don't like is people saying something that you memang dunno how to respond to but they still expect a response anyways and you know there's only one answer they're hoping to hear but sadly that's not the answer in your mind. Phew....

Case in point: "Aiyah you so cute/young/sexy* surely got many people 'chase' you one lor" Errrrr. What am I supposed to say to that except thank you right? "Why you say thank you wor??" Errrr because you gave me a compliment? "Aiyah you so [repeat compliment from above] surely many people 'chase'. I surely no hope one lor. I so old/ugly/fat**" ................. Cue awkward silence, followed by awkward laughter. "Eh why you didn't say anything? Right? I so [repeat self-bashing statement] sure no hope hor?" x 50

*It's not that I'm perasan kay. These are words some people have actually used. Not all the time la, but enough.

**I'm not being a bitch and insulting people's looks hor. They memang like to say things like that. Why ah? For sympathy???

HELLO LU MAU I KATA APA? PERGI MAIN JAUH JAUH? JANGAN SENTUH SAYA? YES YOU HAVE HOPE, IT'S JUST NOT WITH ME NOT IN THIS LIFETIME?

It's pretty obvious isn't it? I'm trying to be nice kay and hoping at the end that it'd be somewhat civil. Don't make it hard la.

I know I sound like such a mega-bitch but when you're calling at 2 a.m and I have class at 11 the next day and I've repeated myself for the hundredth time over, nice people also lose their tempers one lor apatah lagi me.

CV, More Like CB!

Yesterday I had to go through my entire room looking for an appropriate cert for an appropriate extra-curricular activity that I could put on my CV.

Yeah. On the list of Important Things You Could Do With Your Life, that probably ranks somewhere around 1658th.

Only benefit that came out of it was it forced me to look in places that haven't seen light in ages, so when I saw all the dust, terpaksalah clean up my room a bit. Pantat.

Semuanya because of the stupid school. Which employer really cares whether you joined the drama team in 2003 or 2005 or whether you represented the school for public speaking at district level ke state level?

But noooo, the person in charge of internships had to see a cert for every single thing you put on your CV. Where does it say that you are naib johan? How you prove you were at peringkat kebangsaan? Blah blah blah.

And when I told her just delete the things I've already written since I don't have the certs with me, she said something like, "Means no activities at all wor? You didn't join anything at UCSI meh?" then give me a look like I'm hopeless and will be doing my internship at Tesco.

In the process, I re-discovered a few things about myself that I've already forgotten a long, long time ago. I was actually Programmes Manager for LCDS. OMG right? I actually got a cert to prove it, but really, what programmes have I ever managed before for LCDS?

...............

And apparently, I am also skilled in Pertolongan Cemas! Good to know. Can that count as other qualifications/skills on my CV? LOL.

But the sad thing is right, after all my efforts looking for the bloody certs in my room, I went to the Co-op offices today and found out that the lady that was helping me verify my CV cannot spell. I mean, I already keyed into the CV all the required information but she still had to edit it according to her way. So OK lor, I thought she was fantastic at CVs or something. Then she spelled some words wrongly. Like, WTH is a 'dramma commpatition - state lavel' ???!?!!??!?!!"££T$%^%U**&^&$£EW!E"

At first I thought maybe she was typing real quick so she made some typos. Then I saw she spelled drama the same way three times. Then before I could tell her, she already clicked 'CV Approved'. So now all my potential employers are going to think that I. Cannot. Spell. KILL ME!

Anyways, when I was digging through all my old files looking for certs, I found all our old assignments during the diploma days! OMG!

LOL I'm saying as though my diploma days were like 8000 days ago when it's actually more like 800 days. But still, I haven't seen these papers for like what, 2 years? So weird to see my name alongside names like Lim Shiau Yong, Lim Chin Yee, Ng Pik Yee Cyntia and OMG Yang Sheau Wen hahahah!

Terpikir pulak masa kita susah2 belajar and buat assignments (always last minute, staying up all night), watching movies to write about film theories lah, cut out ads to study magazine advertising lah, buat survey lah to find out if homosexual portrayals in movies influence the way they are perceived in real-life, etc etc. LOL. Miss you bitches!

Spend First, Earn (Much) Later!

Today Seline & Ethan and Jem & I went on the first step to fulfilling our dreams of a HK shopping spree and then right after that, we went makan-makan and jalan-jalan. As usual, Seline left early so Jem and I, because we're 'budak kampung' (bluek!! Don't be jealous Seline!) who don't need to go back and answer to anyone so we stayed and jalan even more, although we both had assignments to rush. LOL.

Before this I already sorta promised myself not to shop or simply buy anything that I don't really need. Something like a personal challenge to myself lah, crap like that. This was easily done when we were at Sg. Wang. What to buy there kan? But Seline lah dragged us to Daiso, and I don't know what is it about stores with merchandise that are all priced the same, but it makes me go a little crazy. I think it's the thinking that 'Alarrr it's only 5 ringgit. I'm sure I'll find a use for it somehow. Hmmmm. Don't I have a surface that absolutely needs to be covered in a large piece of pink felt???'

Before I know it I dah have like, 3 things in my hands so I quickly paid and left cuz I know the longer I stay and look at things, the more I will spend. 5 bucks will quickly become 15 then 35 then 50 if left unchecked, I tell you.

Seriously, sometimes I myself cannot believe the things I buy. But it's only 5 bucks lah so it's okay! HAHA! Look at these stickers! Sooooo cute how to resist!!

Forgot who said these stickers are not worth 5 bucks. Hello?! There's like 50 of those cute little pigs there. That's like, 10 cents per cute little pig okay? Super worth it. I'm still thinking mana mau lekat. My computer? My phone? I'm thinking car cuz if Jacqueline can stick her elephants all over the car, then my cute little pigs are definitely allowed!

After that we went to Pavilion. I was broke so everything at Zara memang out of budget. At Topman still manage to control the shopping urge. At MNG there was this gorgeous snakeskin clutch but nevermind, still can control. At Pull & Bear semuanya huduh so no problem there. Then we reached Cotton On and there was my favorite word, besar-besar at the window! SALE! I didn't plan to buy anything but there was this shirt I dah tengok for quite some time and now it was 50% off. FIFTY PERCENT okay? And it's the only S size left. The others were L and XL. It's like, fate. I knew if I didn't buy someone else would and I'd be damn sakit hati seeing someone else wear MY shirt. And you know how Cotton On during sales always have these cute little things like glasses and scarves at 15 ringgit each? Super good bargain! I already grabbed like 3 things but after thinking sebentar, the spirit of moderation prevailed so I put the 3 things back since I already took the shirt. I will be back for them next week! Cuz I know these fifteen-dollar items they have in bulk so no worries that they will be sold out =) Yay less guilt!

My favorite purchase was definitely Xtina's new CD. I feel so proud of myself for being such a fanboy sampai beli on the first day of release. He he.

I still haven't decided if I like this futuristic prostitute side of her. Some of the dance songs were really very catchy but I like the slow, pretty songs the best. The ones she wrote with Sia. Those were very her but at the same time, different from what she has done before and different from what all the other popstars are doing right now. Maybe if she did more of those people would stop comparing her to Gaga ugh.

But bloody hell a lot of her songs were seriously cheesy and childish and some just sounded like moaning plus talking over a beat. You wouldn't believe some of the lyrics either. I mean seriously, And even though we made sweet love all night / I need sex for breakfast ? Seriously??

What about, I hate boys but boys love me / I think they suck and my friends agree ? What is this? Avril Lavigne circa 2005?

But you know, I'm cheesy + childish so hey, no probs for me I'm still a big Xtina fan! =)

Alejandro!!

Fashion! Sex! Gaga with the most hideous hair! Soldiers! Shirtless men! Hundreds of them! Some of them in heels! And she doesn't kill anyone this time! She just ties them to the bed and simulates rough sex! What's not to like?

Of course, I don't know what the video is saying exactly, but hello, epic! I don't even know what the song is saying. Waitaminute, actually what are all her songs saying? She doesn't wanna be friends? She wants your leather studded kiss in the sand? You should have made some plans with her when she was free but now she's kinda busy? She's beautiful and filthy rich? Oh wait, beautiful and rich but dirty? Beautiful but rich with dirty money? Hm. Whatever. That's not the point is it?

It'd be amusing in the next few days, seeing people scramble all over to attribute meaning to her latest 'work of art'. OMG she's so original, such a breath of fresh air, a true visionary, the next Madonna!! What happened to the old Madonna? Did she die? OK fine, she just became irrelevant. But still... What does it say that twenty-something years after Madonna came out, the "biggest" pop star today still "references" her work and people are having orgasms like she invented the dildo or something?

Something To Think About

If your lecturer asks you to pair up with someone for an assignment, who would you prefer as your partner?

a) Someone who doesn't contribute anything significant, but agrees completely with everything you say, or

b) Someone who has many, many ideas but all of them are, well not crap exactly, but total opposites of what you had in mind.

Hmmm.

Listen Up

See?

That is the thing with you Plastics.

You think that everybody is in love with you, when actually, everybody hates you.

Like Aaron Samuels, for example.

He broke up with Regina, and guess what?

He still doesn't want you.

- Janis Ian

Uber FML!!

It's the kind of thing you only read about in the papers, or see on those PSAs on RTM2.

It sounds like cautionary tales that your parents are always telling you about because they heard that someone they know had a cousin whose girlfriend's colleague had something exactly like that happen to them.

You'd never think that the car parked on the side of the road with plastic foil for windows would be yours.

It's not like what you've heard and imagined it would be, at all. The car was not parked in some dark, deserted area. It wasn't 4 in the morning. I wasn't driving a car that cost half a million bucks. There were no valuable items on display. In fact, the laptop and the other bags were rather well-concealed.

Then WHY US?!?!?!?

When major shit like this happens, the mind tends to work in super slow motion.

The first thought that went through my mind was, "Eh, how come I can see so clearly into my car?" followed by "Eh, what are those shiny crystal thingies on the floor?" before finally putting 2 and 2 together.

Then I was all "OH MY FUCKING GOD MY CAR WINDOW!!!!"

It's such a bloody hassle okay. After half an hour of trauma, have to pull yourself together, check what is missing, go to the police station to lodge a report, then clean up the car, find plastic to cover the windows, worry all night what will happen to the exposed car, in the morning wake up, worry about where to go fix the car, how much is it gonna cost, how long is it gonna take....

Sigh.

Thank God for friends and family lor at times like this. Or not I'll still be sitting at the parking lot looking at the windows and biting my nails kot. And if I think I already feel bad, I can't even imagine how it feels to lose almost 90% of my belongings and ALL my valuables like passport and computer and hair straightener and make up and perfumes and new clothes and pretty clothes [These things are really very, very important kay even though macam superficial sangat].

Dear Tuhan, I nak kena 4D boleh tak? At least just enough to cover the costs of new windows la, I'm not greedy. Hee hee.

Aktiviti-aktiviti Bulan Mei

I recently (and un-recently also got) kena complain that I always hoard pictures that I've taken by never uploading them. Hngh. I wanna keep for myself and view privately cannot meh? I am a very, very private person what.

LOL. Reasons I rarely post pics is cuz it's such a damn hassle lah. Need to edit (I cannot, absolutely CANNOT post pics without editing first, it's against my morals!), then need to wait for it to upload slowly, need to organize, think of captions blah blah blah. Usually when I wanna write something I just write lor, think-think too much then macam tak jadi dy. Some more my FB very updated what, no? And the pictures, come come go go also almost always the same. Same places, same poses, same people. Especially those in the club. Too much of that kinda pics make me feel like I'm not doing anything with my life except partying it away. Of course, I don't feel like that lah when I'm taking the pics, which is why there are so many of them. When I'm partying I'm thinking life's marvellous. It is only after that I worry if it is too excessive.

Answer is NO, if you're wondering.

But anyways, I'm thinking this Aktiviti-aktiviti Bulan _____ could work what. This way, I only need to compile and post once a month! Very Bao-style. Hahaha I'm a lazy bitch.

Me and one of my dates (oooh look at me, I'm such a playa) for the taekwondo farewell dinner. Funny, I thought I already said farewell to taekwondo 12 years ago.
Seline! Whom I finally, finally got to see today. We (mostly me) have been skipping classes at all the wrong times. But that's a good thing la come to think of it. We can't both skip together, who'd take the attendance? Hee hee.
A random Hungover Sunday. Was it? I can't remember which days are hungover and which aren't anymore. There are so many of them nowadays, and not all are on Sundays. LOL.

Farewell for the UK (and 1 US) gang, part 1: The APR edition. Very big AWWW because I haven't seen them in such a long, long time and probably won't for a very long, long time either.

Mama getting old. I used to be able to go to any club and dance from 12 a.m to 3 but now lah, it has to be the right crowd la, right music, lots of drinks. Ah well, my "sophisticated" 21-year old tastes.

Farewell for UK gang, part 2: The AMS Genting Klang + Klang edition.... which brings the amount to One. Hahahah! It was a great, fun time nonetheless =D

All the other folks, Bao, Leng, Aeryn, whoever else, SORRY that I didn't send you guys off at the airport! I was kinda bizz-zay!

This is what I skipped the mini-farewell at KLIA for: Parrtttayyy! At somewhere OTHER than Frangi/MP/Sunday-nite Maison (which is a whole different Maison altogether) That's why it's soooo 'important'!

LOL kidding aside, I do miss you bitches but I'm sure I'll see you all in no time =) And the airport really was very far. And I couldn't even get duty-free booze! No point!