The Saddest, Loneliest Day Ever

Yesterday was beyond words.

It was supposed to be a start to a fun night out and then all of sudden, without the slightest warning, it became a nightmare.

Who would have thought that something like this, could happen twice in one month?

Before the First Incident, I used to laugh in disdain whenever Jacqueline locked the gear and the steering in complicated ways.

"Aiyoh so mafan la lock this and lock that! We driving Kembara only who wanna steal hahaha"

Then after the First Incident, I became phobic. The steering wheel lock became my best friend. I have this need to park where I can see my car and constantly feel like I have to check on it.

I slip up once. And shit happens.

Faster than anyone could imagine. I parked right in front of the bank, popped in, put the card in the ATM, get the money outta the ATM, went out. Windows gone.

I was speechlessstunnedshellshocked. Only thing running through my mind over and over was I Can't Believe This Is Happening Again I Can't Believe This Is Happening Again I Can't Believe This Is Happening Again.

After that I was blur, like running on auto-pilot, repeating everything that we did the last time, but this time alone.

I've never felt lonelier in my life T_____T

It's like OK, police report done. And from Cheras, the officer wants me to drive to Pudu so some Sergeant can have a little chat and take some pictures. Like it's high tea with the girls or something. OK that's done too.

Now what? Clear the glass. And this time the glass bersepah all over the inside of the car cuz it wasn't a clean break. It's okay. I can do it. Buy plastic bags and masking tape to cover. Find somewhere bright and sheltered to do the whole damn thing. But where? I ended up on the side of the road vacuuming and picking up pieces of glass and taping plastic over the windows with rain drizzling down on my hairmakeupclothes which I spent extra time on and thought looked extra good, just for that night.

And I was soooo damn hungry the whole time. The last thing I had was lunch at MV at 12.30 and on the passenger seat was a sandwich I grabbed in a hurry before going out, now covered in glass. After clearing the glass and taping the windows and all, I hurriedly gobbled that one miserable sandwich down hoping I don't choke on some unseen piece of glass and die.

I wanted to go find somebody, but I don't know who to find.

Not Jacqueline. I love my sister but I know at that time. she'd be all 100 Questions and Serious Talk and That Tone of Judgement which I am just not able to accept at that moment. I like to think that if the situation was reversed, I'd worry more about her than what the parents would say, with how much we lost and how much it's going to cost coming in second. Also, what I needed was a Big Warm Unquestioning Hug not 6 Inquisitive and Sympathetic Eyes.

Andy lives so friggin' far away now. And like he said, he's got work tomorrow. So it's all fine that he's at McD's with Alex now but 30 minutes for me to get there is definitely too late to be staying up. And he doesn't seem to realize the situation is very serious to me, maybe because his brother's car was driven off entirely so shattered glasses, meh. He thought I'd still be showing up at Milk. I wish I could, I don't wanna be a party-pooper but I was in no way appropriate to be in a club then.

I thought I could hang out at some mamak and eat twenty roti canai with my closest friend here in Taman Connaught, but she was out. Ugh.

Cyntia's in Kepong. Howyee's in Klang. All so bloody far away. It really is very sad when the one person you can call to just bawl and rant and make you feel better is your ex, few hundred kilometres away.

I could think of a few friends (or 'friends') who'd be willing to meet up and talk. But right after they lend that shoulder to cry on, give that pat on the head, pull you in for that hug, hands would inevitably roam way down south and I would inevitably feel like a cheap and dirty fuckbitch. Yes, they're good with words and they'd be a comfort but what? "Don't cry, don't cry, just spread your legs wide" is it? After what I just experienced, no thank you.

Now I need to replace a clutch and a camera. Mana mau cari duit camtu? And the camera was new AND a present summore.

Gahhhhh this has been such an emo bitch post. Excuse me while I go put on some black eyeliner and cut myself.