No I Don't Bite but Please Don't Pijak My Ekor

I have a new friend. He's nice but I think he fancies that he's pretty talented when it comes to investigative stuff. My honest advice? Don't ever try to go down the detective route. You're as subtle as a rock falling on a tin roof.

Though it may be very startling initially, I actually prefer people who are upfront and brutally blunt. It's not as exhausting as answering but not really answering a thousand questions that are not really questions that lead to another thousand non-questions.

Something straight to the point like 'So are you or are you not?' would be nice instead of 'So what kinda girls do you like?' and 100 variations of that question or 'Where do you like to paktor?' 'Your girlfriend pretty or not, look like how one ah?' or worse, "casually" bringing into the conversation topics like Sex or Your Gay Best Friend (yeah right, "your friend") hoping to squeeze a reaction out of me. Uh huh not gonna happen. And by the 600th time, it is starting to get on my nerves sweetie.

If your suspicion is that strong, you're probably right. If your curiosity is that high, just ask. Simple as that. Or not, just follow me out on a Saturday night, you will get your answer for sure. Har har har.

One more thing I don't like is people saying something that you memang dunno how to respond to but they still expect a response anyways and you know there's only one answer they're hoping to hear but sadly that's not the answer in your mind. Phew....

Case in point: "Aiyah you so cute/young/sexy* surely got many people 'chase' you one lor" Errrrr. What am I supposed to say to that except thank you right? "Why you say thank you wor??" Errrr because you gave me a compliment? "Aiyah you so [repeat compliment from above] surely many people 'chase'. I surely no hope one lor. I so old/ugly/fat**" ................. Cue awkward silence, followed by awkward laughter. "Eh why you didn't say anything? Right? I so [repeat self-bashing statement] sure no hope hor?" x 50

*It's not that I'm perasan kay. These are words some people have actually used. Not all the time la, but enough.

**I'm not being a bitch and insulting people's looks hor. They memang like to say things like that. Why ah? For sympathy???

HELLO LU MAU I KATA APA? PERGI MAIN JAUH JAUH? JANGAN SENTUH SAYA? YES YOU HAVE HOPE, IT'S JUST NOT WITH ME NOT IN THIS LIFETIME?

It's pretty obvious isn't it? I'm trying to be nice kay and hoping at the end that it'd be somewhat civil. Don't make it hard la.

I know I sound like such a mega-bitch but when you're calling at 2 a.m and I have class at 11 the next day and I've repeated myself for the hundredth time over, nice people also lose their tempers one lor apatah lagi me.